Befriend your Ego!

Today is common to speak of the ego as an enemy to be defeated, but this an invalid view if we consider its original meaning – an essential part of our psyche that we must turn into our ally.

Ego is Latin for “I”, and it was the Sigmund Freud (actually his translator) who put ego into the popular vocabulary. For Freud the I/ego exists to balance the ‘id’, our instinctual survival and primal sexual impulses, so they don’t emerge in aggressive, illogical, illusory or self-sabotaging ways.

The id functions in connection with the feeling of pleasure because it looks for immediate satisfaction. This is important in early life because it insures that an infant’s needs are met. If a baby is hungry or uncomfortable, they will cry until the demands of the id are satisfied. Similarly, if we don’t get our primal urges taking care, we become irritable, tense, or anxious.

Subsequently, the superego begins to develop from a very early age as we internalize the moral standards and ideals of our parents and society. This super ego acts as a moral compass, guiding our behavior towards acceptable norms and inducing feelings of guilt or shame when these standards are violated. An overpowering superego creates anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.

Thus, the ego mediates between the desires of the id and the superego’s moral demands, always searching for a kind of balance. So the ego is the part of our personality in charge of the conscious decision-making—and it is best to have a healthy ego that allows a healthy flow from the id and from the superego.

Once Freud’s apprentice, the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung soon developed his own theory of personality. For him, the ego is the conscious part of the psyche—which organizes our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and builds a sense of personal identity.

The Ego provides a sense of self and continuity for the personality. It allows us to be a coherent person and consistent from one day to the next.

However, like a tiny island in a vast ocean, the ego is only a small part of the entire psyche. The great ocean, in turn, is what Jung identified as the Self, and its realization can be achieved through the process of individuation which requires integrating the various aspects of the personality, including the shadow, the anima/animus, and other relevant elements of the personal and collective unconscious.

In this process of individuation and Self-realization, the Ego is the gatekeeper, the one that allows one’s unconscious aspects to be integrated. This means that someone with a healthier ego will allow more uncomfortable aspects of one’s own life (like shameful or painful events) into awareness instead of repressing these from insecurity or a lack of self- stem.

The goal of individuation is to expand the island of consciousness so that it encompasses more of the ocean of the Self. In other words, the more individuated we are, the more we know ourselves and the more mature and reliable relationships we can have with others.

From Freud’s and Jungs’ perspectives, the ego is our ally—if we see it as the mediator between impulsive and restrictive behavior and as the gatekeeper between the unconscious and the conscious self.

The problems begin when the ego gets stuck in low self-stem and insecurities and becomes defensive and feeds our anger, jealousy, arrogance, violence, passive aggression, etc. At this point, the ego is no longer in service to the Self but it has become ego-centric: in service to its petty self-justifying narcissistic agenda.

In the end, we need to befriend our ego and allow it to feel a healthy level of tension so we don’t become too one sided or blind to what is making us neurotic and so we can solve inner conflicts.

Please share your thoughts.

Blessings friends!

Marcela Lobos